Not So Easy
by Xanthera
Summary: Choices concerning love are never easy to make. Advice from a third party may help sometimes, but Nao's feelings for a certain redhead are rather difficult to deal with. Rated T for implied sexual content.


What's this? New material from me so soon? It's a sign of the end times! But in all seriousness, I've actually had this fic in the works since mid-August. I was feeling shitty about a pretty similar similar situation that I found myself in, but once I calmed down, my muse went away, and I kind of abandoned the fic I only got around to finishing it now because of the Femslash February event on tumblr. Anyway, I hope you guys enjoy!

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"Nao-chan! Reika-chan!"

The girls looked up from their study session to see Miyuki running full tilt across the quad towards them, with Candy clinging to her head and Yayoi panting and struggling to keep pace with her. The pink haired girl skidded to a halt in front of them, nearly sending Candy flying, and anxiously waited for Yayoi before spouting a stream of what Nao eventually realized was common schoolyard gossip.

"Arisato-san just told me that Hirogane-san heard some of the class talking and I couldn't believe it and I had to tell you about it because it's unbelievable!"

Nao and Reika cast sidelong grimaces at one another. Miyuki wasn't usually one for gossip, so whatever had her this worked up had to be either extremely good or extremely bad.

They both crossed their fingers and hoped for the former as Reika calmly asked, "What's unbelievable?"

Yayoi raised her hand and interjected softly, "It's not really unbelievable. Just… unexpected."

Miyuki ignored her and motioned for everyone to lean in close, then whispered urgently, "Akane _broke up_ with Ryuuji-san!"

Nao felt her heart stop.

"Really? That's strange. They were attached at the hip."

"I know! I couldn't believe it, either!"

"Arisato-san said that they had a fight. It sounded like it was pretty bad."

Nao was busy trying to piece together her mixed emotions, juggling logic and reason with thoughts of okonomiyaki and brash jokes and copper hair and _damn it, Nao, don't think about her!_

"Well, good riddance, kuru!"

She was yanked rudely back into reality by Candy's sudden outburst.

"_Candy_!"

"If he fought with Akane-chan, he's obviously not the right boy for her, kuru!"

"All couples fight now and again, Candy."

"…Well, maybe, but still, kuru."

Nao clenched her fists and stared resolutely at her feet, trying to keep her emotions in check. This worked for an impressive five seconds before she was forced to disguise a hiccup with a small coughing fit.

"Nao-chan! Nao-chan! Are you okay, kuru?"

She cleared her throat and gave a dry laugh. "I'm okay, Candy," she said, still not looking up. "Just… inhaled some dust."

Reika looked over at her classmate and thought for a moment before turning to Miyuki and smiling. "Perhaps you should go find Akane-chan. She might need some _moral support_."

Nao heard the intent in her friend's voice and couldn't help smiling.

"Geez! What kind of friends are we? We should have done that first! Come on, Yayoi-chan!"

"Ah! Miyuki-chan! Wait!"

Nao listened as her friends' footfalls faded into the distance. She looked up slowly, and swallowed a lump in her throat when she saw the concern on Reika's face. She bit her lip and looked away, twiddling her thumbs, crossing and uncrossing her legs, doing anything she could to keep her mind off of the cause of so many sleepless nights. She wasn't going to think about her. She just wouldn't. There was no way that she would break down about this again. No. Never. Not a chance in-

"Nao-chan, are you alright?"

Nao couldn't stop herself from looking over at Reika, but immediately turned her gaze back to her shoes. She began to wring the hem of her skirt, anxiously. "I'm not some stupid lovesick schoolgirl," she said, her voice quivering. "I knew I never had a chance. I got over her ages ago. I was strong. I _am_ strong. I'm perfectly happy with just being friends. There's absolutely nothing that-"

She felt Reika's hand grasp her own in a comforting squeeze.

"Nao," she said, flatly. "Tell me: are you alright?"

Nao forced herself to make eye contact with her childhood friend. She tried to blink back tears, but still they began to fall. She drew in a trembling breath before choking out, "No, I'm not," and flinging herself into Reika's arms.

The two friends embraced silently as Nao's shoulders quaked. A few passing students gave curious glances, but Reika's stern glare sent them on their way. Finally, Nao whimpered, "I don't know what's wrong with me." She pulled out of the embrace and wiped her eyes on her sleeve. "I was fine. I was completely fine. I knew that I could never tell her how I felt because she was with Ryuuji-san, and I got over it. It was like I had never… like I had never even liked her in that way to begin with. Everything was normal, but now I… I…"

"You're still in love with Akane."

It wasn't a question. They both knew it perfectly well: Midorikawa Nao was hopelessly in love with Hino Akane.

Nao buried her face in her hands. "I can't help it," she said, her voice muffled. "I didn't want to be _that_ person. You don't just tell someone who's in a relationship that you like them, and I can't say it now because then it'll just look like I was _waiting_ for them to break up!" She let her hands drop into her lap and looked helplessly up at Reika from beneath her bangs.

Reika gave a half-nod, inviting Nao to continue, which she gladly did.

"How long are you supposed to wait to tell someone how you feel when this kind of thing happens? And what if they get back together, or someone else asks her out first? It feels like life is just…" She paused, her brow furrowing as she struggled to find words. "I mean, every time I want to either make a move or just get over her, something happens that makes it impossible for me to do _anything_! It's like life just wants to shove my own stupidity down my throat at every turn! I'm just-" Her breath hitched in her throat, and she swallowed hard, determined not to let her composure escape again. "I'm just tired of having a dumb crush blow up in my face all the time."

Nao took a deep breath and let it out with a shudder. She felt foolish for her outburst, and yet relieved to have finally let out what must have been several months of pent up frustration. She felt a hand on her shoulder, and smiled weakly up at Reika. "I guess I just need to buck up, right?" It certainly wasn't anything unfamiliar to her, after all.

Reika shook her head. "If that's how you feel, you don't need to force yourself to change your emotions. What you decide to do with those emotions, though…" She shook her head. "Well, that I couldn't tell you. But I think that _whatever_ you decide to do will be the right choice."

Nao bit her lip as she mulled over her friend's advice. She had managed to plod through the rest of the school day, and was currently lying face up on her bed, staring at the ceiling with her arms folded behind her head. She was trying to ponder her situation, to weigh her options, but the face of a girl with fiery hair and a personality to match occupied her mind's eye, forcing away any serious thoughts. At first she attempted to push those feelings away, but she remembered Reika's words, and succumbed to the thoughts of what her heart so desperately desired.

She saw walks by the river, her fingers entwined with Akane's; she saw stargazing side by side on the hill, and laughter shared over ice cream in the park.

She felt hands clasped in the darkness of the cinema, water fights by the seashore, and snowball fights in the winter.

She heard sweet nothings whispered in her ear and she smelled the tang of apples as she rested her chin in Akane's hair.

She tasted cinnamon kisses. She felt strong arms wrap themselves around her waist, pulling her down onto some bed or another -did it matter whose? - and tracing the outline of her shoulders. She felt the warmth of hot breath on her neck, of steadily more passionate kisses trailing downward, downward, lower and lower until _**God**__, no! Don't think about __**that**__, Nao!_

Nao shook herself from her reverie, hissed through her teeth to rid herself of those not-so-modest thoughts, and turned over with a groan before pressing her face into her pillow. She could feel the moisture from tears she hadn't noticed begin to soak the fabric, and sat up, sniffling. She mentally slapped herself, then did so physically for good measure.

All of this and still no answers as to how to deal with the situation she found herself stuck in.

_"Whatever you decide to do will be the right choice."_

She sighed, weighing the words in her head again and again. She turned to look at a picture on her table, of she and her friends waving to the unseen photographer. Her eyes fixed upon the shock of red hair, then trailed down to the mischievous grin of someone who liked- no, loved.

She smiled at the image, then closed her eyes and sighed. "I think I can wait to make that choice."


End file.
